ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
