doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
