Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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