when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
