Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
