I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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