when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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