dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
