so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
