We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
