I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
