ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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