he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
