kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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