I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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