i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
