It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
