I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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