It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
