It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
