she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
