I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
