I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
