Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
