why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
