what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
