we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
