so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
