I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
