I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
