Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
