shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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