evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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