he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
