I got chris browned last night
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I believe in your delicious
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
