i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
