Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
