Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
