don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
