i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
