just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
