Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
