You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
