you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
