I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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