Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
