You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
