i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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