She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
