I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
