Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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