I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
