everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
