3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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